Epic FKA Azoogle to Leave Affiliate Business


In the strangest news this year, Epic Advertising Announced that they were no longer going to be in the Affiliate and Performance Marketing space, instead focusing on new revenue model based completely on their new DailyDealSite called GroupLiving.com.  Epic, formerly known as AzoogleAds, (from the French, pronounced AzoooGleeehhh) was at one time seen as the top affiliate and CPA marketing company. However, in recent times, with the departure of the Founders Alex “Meow-Meow” Zhardanovsky and Joe “Spandex” Speiser, Azoogle has taken a totally new turn in its focus. Both Joe & Alex are still close, loving, partners, having started PetHo, a new pet-porn site that was reportedly growing in leaps and bounds.

When asked about why they were shutting down their affiliate and performance marketing division, Matthew Mirman, the Director of Clickable Solutions at Epic, told us that “the company has decided that cost per performance wasn’t working– agencies weren’t happy with this solution.” One insider in the company told us that this basically meant that agencies were more interested  in, “wasting their customers money, charging for banners and impressions instead of having to prove effectiveness.”   Mirman, denied this and responded that, “I have no idea who the hell you are, but you need to leave my house now, otherwise I’m calling the police, ok?”

The folks at Neverblue,  Epic’s nearest competitor were happy to hear this news. Samantha Brachat, the Vice President of Water-Scooters & Leisure Activities told us, “Damn skippy, bitches. Those guys have been throwing parties at the Playboy Mansion, totally ruining the vibe for our parties in the Caribbean.” Both companies, originally based in Canada have been in heavy competition for years, especially after when Epic moved their HQ to New York City and were immediately branded traitors in the Canadian Press.  Brachat commented on this, “We are Canadians and proud of our Heritage, and those traitors just got up and left to NYC..eh.., claiming there was better food, better entertainment,  better business opportunities and the such. We stayed here in Canada where there is better… umm… goose hunting.”

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*Source: Google


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