I’ve done a lot soul searching lately: people in my life, and people outside my life have questioned my level of success. Unfortunately someone decided to post some very old financial documents of mine, including a strategic chapter 13 bankruptcy from about 5 years ago. It was a difficult time in my life, and the decision to go under bankruptcy protection in order to deal with some bad investments in real estate and a divorce was hard to deal with personally. It’s really no one’s business about that, but it’s out there now.
During the last five years since that decision, I definitely went through a period of introspection. Going from owning a company doing $100 Million year to having to look for jobs was very difficult for me.
Luckily, good financial planning meant that I wasn’t broke, and still have a comfortable 1%er income, but I wasn’t living the “lifestyle” I once had. As someone pointed out in a comment, I used to talk all the time about my Aston Martins, Ferraris and other cars that I owned and the multimillion-dollar penthouse to people – that I was a huge showoff.
They are probably right in their ascertation that at some point in my life, and perhaps even more recently, I was a huge douchebag. Sometimes people look at their life and what they “have” and “own” is the most important thing. We are in business to make money, right? Isn’t what this industry is about, is how rich we are, how many cars we have? Isn’t this why some people act like internet thugs and pimp, showing off their shit?
The truth is that many people that read this publication, and the vast majority of the industry is just doing their job, supporting themselves, their family. Performance Marketing is part of their job, is their business and they are not looking for a get quick rich scheme, or even expecting that they will ever be millionaires.
So what does it mean exactly to be “successful?” That probably is a very person thing, something that you have to decide for yourself.
However, being able to support your family, put food on their table, sending them to a good school is a great goal. It’s one that I’ve decided is part of MY definition of “success.” Yes, I am making great money on this publication and my other business ventures ….and this has been an amazing year financially. However, I’ve learned that can all go away: and if you are only focused on your money, your status, what will you have left?
My money in the past has actually probably made me a “failure.” Yes, that “success” cost me a lot of more important things, including two marriages. I was “happy” showing off my money, going to strip clubs, buying new cars, and paid a great deal of child support. However, I missed my kid’s birthdays year after year, didn’t go to their Bas Mitzvah, nor even really called them on a regular basis.
But, I made that up by renting a bus to Atlantic City with 20 models in it for a weekend, right?
Obviously not. With all the money that I had, I was huge failure as a person. I made horrible decisions that affected others, and didn’t care because I was so very “successful.”
In the last 5 years, it’s given me a lot of time to wonder why I made those decisions and try to change personally to be a real “success.” I’m the first to admit that I have along way to go. That doesn’t make me a bad person, it just makes me human. Change is one of the only constant things, and even trying to keep yourself the same is impossible: we are in a life-long fight that we will all eventually lose.
Perhaps its that I am turning 38 this year, perhaps it having a wonderful woman who has forced me to look in the mirror and doubt myself and doubt my “self.” Even this year I’ve made some bad personal decisions, and regret a lot of things I’ve done. It’s hurt people I love, it’s caused strife, and I’ve lost friends because of my stupidity.
Whatever success is, it’s up to you to decide.
However, please don’t take 40 years to figure it out.